mUse and musings

not this mUSE!

we are not marilyn monroe who goes "oooh~", like that.

privacy is important.

1.muse;

- something regarded as the source of artistic inspiration

2.muse;

-to consider thoughtfully or at length,ponder

i - the act or state of musing;reverie.

ii- wonder

One of the most influential people in my life is my brother. You could say that he is my muse for he was the one who inspired me in many ways since i was little. I tried to imagine my life without him. Not good! Because i would never be who i am today if it was not because of him. My dream of becoming the next Hayao Miyazaki was inspired by him. (and Miyazaki's work too, of course.) My brother is quite the artist himself. I have always liked his silly drawings and sketches. I thought he had a style of his own. I tried to be like him too. The only problem is, i could not draw as good as him. Hence, i always copied another artist.My brother liked the fact that i learned how to draw although i couldn't at first, but he always told me "Now, you're just copying what other people do. But what you really need to do is establish your own style. Make it unique. Make it your own."

From then on, i tried to not follow the stereotype. I took his advice to heart. So the cool kids at school wear Converse and All-Star to school. Why should i be like them? They are all the same, they look same. "Backpacks are for 2nd grader, high schoolers only wear slingbacks to school. If they're not designer's brand, then you aren't cool."

Why should i be yet another cliche?

But now that he doesn't draw anymore, he plays the guitar. Day and night, and night and day.

Home is much quieter when he's not around. Instead of the usual ticking of the clock sound at 3am in the morning, we hear Jimi Hendrix or Dream Theater blasting from his room.

Here's the sad part. I don't really know how to play musical instruments. Even my keyboarding skill sucks. My brother encouraged me to continue learning how to play the keyboard because according to him, "Maybe we can form an indie group or something."

Yeah,right. All my siblings as musicians? Like my parents would allow that!

As if we could be the next The Corrs. Bro would play the guitar, my sis would be the drummer, me the horrible keyboardist and singer, yayang would play the flute.

He has so many dreams and hope. Some may even sound ridiculous, but i admire him so much because he dares to dream. What dreams he could not achieve, i make them my inspirations. My muse.

By the way, thank you Ikram for making me listen to Coheed and foreign artists like Alizee and Superbus. Thank you for letting me know who Frank Zappa and Satriani are. I also appreciate your efforts in making sure i watch all the gross guy movies. bah.

Moving on, i'd like to talk about this one important issue about living together with your housemates. Respecting each other's privacy is important i think. In order to live together,we should have a mutual agreement on something if not everything. Right? Here, i'm not complaining about my housemates. I think they are quite decent, nothing to complain about really! =)

Just musing aloud, i think one common problem one might face when living together with housemates is when one's housemates bring friends home. I know it's not that big a deal, but out of respect for your housemates, inform your housemates that a friend is in the house.

Somewhere along the line of "My friend is coming, you might wanna close your door or maybe wear something decent."

This is to ensure that none of your housemates embarass themselves in front of the guest of course! Imagine,if one were wearing just shorts or God forbid, scantily clad in a towel....

One just might die of mortification!!! (o__O)

I am glad though that that never occured here at my student house. Thank you God for giving me such polite and well-mannered housemates~~ =)

Once or twice when i was, you could say,not quite presentable to the eyes of strangers, and my kind housemates informed me to 'hide' myself away~

Kind housemates, i am eternally grateful for respecting not only my privacy but also other people's.

I shall now click 'publish post'.

Until next week! tata~~ =)

MATh= mad+sad

It has been a stressful week for me.....

i'm in a pre-exam mode where i'm suppose to be concentrating on all the subjects and really brush up my weaknesses.

Everyday, i enter the class with the determination to NOT fall asleep, or feel bored, or get distracted by the usual hunger or the cold temperature of the room *brrr~ shiver* OR daydream..

So far, i think i have managed to get rid of the distraction of being hungry in the middle of the class, (lost of appetite due to stress)

Mentos,a cup of hot Nescafe before class,a few slaps on the face and pinching the back of my hand under the desk get me going without feeling too sleepy.

Clasping my cold hands between my knees keep me quite warm to get through the 5 hours of classes.

Boredom and daydream - cure yet to be discovered.

However, the biggest problem i have encountered in class is of course,

The Inability of understanding certain subjects in class.

*big sigh*

Especially Math.

Oh, how MAthematics frustrates me! I have to say though, as much as Chemistry confuses me, nothing can ever beat Mathematics for me.

I'm not blaming the lecturers. Believe me, i have been through this same situation countless times before and i am convinced (and have already accepted) that the problem certainly lies within myself.

Evidence A: I got sent to a tuition class when i was in standard 2 because i got a C- in maths dammit! Standard 2!! A simple division and problem solving questions, and yet already a C- scribbled across the report card.

Evidence B: observe the constipated facial expression that's oh-so-obvious on my face in Math class.

doing mathematics exercises in my room is like taking a medicine with really bad side-effects:

1. hyperventilation

2. dizzy

3. severe mood swings

4. unexpected and explotive reactions

(screaming first, boxing the pillows second, followed by an attempt of smothering oneself with the mangled pillows, disastrous attempt of mimicking Mariah Carey's high-pitched notes)

5. irritation around the eyes which causes them to water

Maths turn me into a watering pot. (yes, i admit that i'm a crybaby when it comes to this.)

What makes me angry the most is, not able to do maths does not make me hate maths.

it just makes me hate myself for not being able to do it.

it makes me think about negative things like,

"All my siblings are good at it. Why am i the only one left out? What's wrong with me??"

sometimes, i still calculate using my toes... it's pathetic.

i am ashamed of myself for not being good at it. that is why i keep working hard for it. i believe that if i persist and continue to work harder and harder and harder, eventually i will be able to do it with one eyes closed.

if mathematics were a person, i want to be able to say to his face,

"Give it all to me! I'm gonna bring it on bee-yatch."

japanese story

i actually like japanese story.

how weird is that?


i have to admit, it was not a love at first sight for me. because when i first saw the movie,i was a bit CONFUSED.
like when hiromitsu died, i could not really fathom what was happening.
you could say that i was more shocked and totally in disbelief when hiromitsu died,more so than Sandy as if i was the one having an affair with him and have an emotional attachment to him!
i knew that he was going to die in the end,(my friends kind of foretold me beforehand),
but i DID NOT expect him to die from diving into a billabong, IN his swimming trunk, WHEN Sandy's bimbotic and excited laughter still echoing in the air at the time of the incident!! (it's so tragic, it made me laugh out loud thinking about it)

*sigh* how twisted i am to laugh at tragedies and not at jokes.

sick

sick

sick

however, after looking through the questions asked about japanese story,
and the discussion in class,
i find it rather............

beautiful and romantic, in a way.

there is certainly nothing romantic about getting involved with a married man,
and there's nothing beautiful about a death of a loved one,
but i did wonder,
if hiromitsu had lived, and went back to japan to his family,
i WOULD really hate the movie then.
the fact that he died, in love with Sandy and so changed from being rigid and reserved to someone who is expressive and i think, true to himself finally
is kind of a perfect ending.

it's romantic that the love he and Sandy share is like forbidden love.
they were so wrong for each other, it's only right that they deserve each other.

oh, and there's one more thing.
in class, mr derick said this,

"you should see the beauty in flaws"

i like this idea of seeing something more than the exterior,
of understanding something in depth rather than being discriminating from what we can see only from the surface .
i think i like it so much because i agree that nothing is ever what it seems like.


in art class, i study colours,
and pink, is not really pink.
it's the mixture of red and white,
and other tints of pink may be combinations of rose and white, magenta and white or even orange and white.
so you see, there's even orange, in the colour pink.
my point is,you look at a colour,
and you decided straight away that it's, let say PINK,
but it's not pink.
it's red.
it's also white.
it's magenta.
it's burgundy.

so you see, mr derick,
i actually do understand the concept of stripping an issue layer by layer,
i just have problem writing it down and constructing it so that
it is comprehendable and understandable.
*sigh*
god help me with structuring essays.
i'm bad at organizing things or ideas even.

i'm a messy person, or, should i say,

messed up???

(i like japanese story for God's sake!)

we,the archi. one students~ =)

huallo~ again..
here's something about my fellow classmates:

they are all wolves in disguise of lambs.

i still remember when i first enter my class and i thought,
"wow, here i am thinking that maybe with boys, the class would be livelier..."

it was wrong of me to think like that.. how very mistaken i was.
but i came from an all-girl school and WE were extremely noisy!!
so i thought, with the boys together, the decibel level and the intensity of the sound in the class would be even higher.
(Miss Say would be so proud of me for actually thinking of physics while writing a post in an academic blog for English lesson.)


i have to admit, i kind of envy the other architecture class at first because they were so much livelier than we were.
my room mate,Ya is from the archi. two and i remember distinctly telling her that i swear i can actually hear a lizard 'tsk-tsk-ing' in the class because my class was very and i mean , VERY quiet. (I'm sorry mr Derick, i really don't know the onomatopoeia for lizards!!!)


forgive me my fellow classmates, but i think i have changed my mind!


i think i am rather fond of the environment of my class.
it's very peaceful...
and yes, we are quiet in class (as we were told numerous times),
but i find that this kind of peace and silence are so difficult to find elsewhere!
give silence a chance!
here, in house 69, my housemates and i yell and scream and shout so loud that i believe we can awaken the dead from the grave. the dogs in my neighbourhood would bark like a mad dog from the noise we made. i believe i also saw the guard sitting outside our house shook his head several times whenever we talked too excitedly or too loud. (he must be thinking, "i can't believe this. Girls behave like a bunch of noisy baboons!!) oops, i mean, cute baboons.
My housemates will kill me for this....

anyway, my point is,
it's good to have a quiet and peaceful class. I know my eardrum will thank me for it.
besides, eventhough all of us barely spoke a word in class (it's like we have diamonds in our mouths),
we are not that quiet, really.
you'll be surprised.

but i think what i like the most about our class is,
amidst the cricket-cricking-silence, suddenly someone would crack a darn funny joke.


Woei song would suddenly say something hilarious when we are having economics.
Calvin would give a witty comment on something out of the blue,
Nic usually says something crazy when the mood is right,
Jinn Jyh gingerly grins to what Calvin and Nic say.
when Miss Jasreena ask a volunteer to write on the whiteboard,
Firdaus would say "Izzat", then Izzat will say "Aqil", and Aqil will say "Aizat", then
Aizat points to the one sitting beside him and say "Hafeez", but Hafeez points to Woei song and said "Woei song".
In the end, Hafeez had to go in front.


Other times,Izzati,Mia and i would exchange glances when we cannot make head or tails from what the lecturer was saying.
Sometimes, all of us would look at each other faces and exchange secretive smiles on an inside joke that only we, archi. one know.

There are more things that i like about this class.
If i put it all here,it's going to sound really silly. It's just all the small things that we do together, but i like it all the same.


I'm going to miss my classmates a lot when Ausmat ends.
Hopefully all of us can make it together!!
i'll pray for our success!


That's it for now~ *grins*